Submitted by thparkle on Tue, 03/20/2018 - 11:19. He appears not to care youre pregnant and youre feeling unsupported. WebMaybe he's the kind of person who doesn't want to be bothered when he's sick. (Statements I've heard dozens of times, and heard again this week). All this crap about his kids "coming first" is just thatcrap. No, not really. I invite him to things I know he will say no to just to be nice but then I go and enjoy myself. If you are in the full But it was terrible to watch my child suffer like that. It wasnt until recently that I found an outlet for all of this junk in my head. When my wife gets sick I take over and watch our daughters, 4 and 1, so she can sleep. I wanted to hope that with me gone, and only him in the house, he would get to live the way he "wanted". So I choose to let it go and know he is limited by the ADHD and other disorders that are undiagnosed until he can be humble and let go of his pride, and that right there is bigger than any disorder one can have. It took me 27 years to stop being jealous when he treated other women better than me and hyperfocused on gadgets and not me. If you read anything about attachment theory, the bottom line is that if you had a parent who didn't attach to you, or rejected you, then you mostly likely develop an unhealthy attachment style you use with others. Maybe talking to her would bring it to her attention. And I also have to include.I have a very low toleranceto this kind of behavior!! By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. We had an argument this morning where he says I am always in pain, etc. My SO is not yet undergoing any kind of treatment. And, yes, I am 100% sure it's not all ADHD. After 2 years of therapy for myself, I am in a better place. Submitted by notgonnalosemyself (not verified) on Mon, 04/17/2017 - 14:07. He always says "you don't know me and to give him a chance to prove himself". With my dh, he doesn't react well to any kind of situation when his filters are down (and always always at home) -- there was that time when I fell against a window in a freak accident -- breaking my humeris and dislocating my shoulder on the radiator at the same time. Really? Several years ago they broke their foot (minor avulsion fracture) by twisting their ankle, requiring several weeks with a boot and wrap to recover. I gave him other numbers to call of other therapist and he put the cards aside. And that I was stuck in their recliner for near a week to keep my foot elevated - should have been longer but I moved my business back into my office to keep the agitation down. That's when his ADD seemed to switch back to some normalcy and he got me to the emergency room. When my husband found out he was angry and said " I can't justify spending that kind of money. Thank her sincerely for doing these things to you inspite of her 'reservations'. Thank you for the commendation. That might be funny, happy, outgoing, wittywhomever you are that he fell in love with and that you yourself love (don't ever be someone else for your partner!). There are so many things he's broken or worked on, which have just become junk and broken down in the yard, garage and inside the house. He then proceeded to rip me a new one, in front of his parents. A male. Recallingthe time I told him I was really sick in the morning before swim workout and he told me I had to go anyway? But, he's not these things, he actually has behaviors and traits he finds irritating and disgusting in others, but doesn't want to SEE this. Best of Luck to you all and I look forward to reading your story. Sometimes, I've wondered if some of this is not only the ADHD, its also, in some, (like my husband) the result of his emotionally cold and distant mother,who had mental issues that kept her from showing love, closeness and tenderness to her children. it's not the same as OCD. Boy did we cry. 3. Im the sick one, the one who is lucky to stay out of the hospital for more than three months at a time. You only get 1 life and your life matters, period. So, for me, this could be more mental illness that just hasn't been diagnosed yet, and he is too afraid to find out anything else other than the "acceptable" ADHD. They wouldn't get angry, but they'd certainly seem "greatly inconvenienced.". Then we must note that he attempts, albeit it is poor and generic advice, to advise you on your illness. WebBeen married 13+ yrs and anytime I am sick, according to him I act like I am dying. You never waver. WebIs it normal for a husband to not take care of his wife when she falls sick? And vice versa if she's the one down ill. Can't really prepare good food when you're nauseous and fked up all over. Someone who would listen to MY dreams, and want that for me, as much as I want his dreams and goals for him, and to help each other achieve those, if in our power. They want something done and over with, right then. Submitted by ppester1 on Thu, 03/02/2017 - 14:44. ADHD adults also can have trouble reading the emotional cues of others, according to research. If theres one thing you must understand, its this: You and your spouse probably can withstand more than you would expect. (he can't) He pinches pennies, in trying to fix something that he's usually broken himself, but then it ends up costing us double or triple in do-overs. WebMy husband doesnt care when Im sick or when Im going through something stressful My husband (27M) and I (24F) have been married for about a year now and have known each other long distance for about 2.5 years. Narcissistic SpouseDoesnt Care whether You Live Or Die. Now I'm going to get sick! By then its too late. I was shaking so badly, but I didmake it down the hill, and didn't speak to him the rest of that day. (Although I didn't make him do the dishes). I guess what i m saying is although the strategy may have a great chance of success for some, there isn't any upside in my case. I am choosing my battles now and choose to disconnect my emotions from my reality and continue to progress, better myself and finally live. To us I should say. Ive had back and chest pain on and off becoming more frequent. out of the basement and towards you) and that ADHD symptoms are poorly managed. This detachment causes children to grow up detached from making intimate friendships and relationships as an adult, to closely love others. (maybe?). Submitted by peach on Tue, 12/13/2016 - 16:07. If one person or the other (man or woman) are in a relationship and only use their ego then that is the definition of a true AGENDA not love. Your wife is negative because she doesn't know how to deal with her angry/upset/self-loathing emotions so she projects them onto 'faults' that you have. How can she stop? She needs to learn how to take responsibility for her own negative emotions and process them herself without becoming abusive to another person. When my husband started his first affair, I WAS a good woman. Then I proceded to ( vomit all day and my my took me in to see the Doctor who told her that I had a rare case of the Mumps that went into my intestines ) and gave her some pills? This is what it's been like living with my ADHD husband as well. The entitlements and abrasive treatment of others. Life goes on, until Im better. I agree with Truth..his kids come first. I guess its just a character flaw of his! Then he kept telling me I was going to be alright. That can be very hard to do! (We do imitate our parents). But the AD/HD is so strong, it overrides that. Not my H. He'd blow a gasket and likely also yell at me for ruining his life. And when things happen to the kids the "mom" is always like I didn't know he would do that to our kids and abuse them even though I did. Being unhelpful when someone is sick or injured strongly suggests either Borderline PD or Narcissistic PD. Thankfully, our two children were happy to help me. It appears you entered an invalid email. My husband believes he's Mr. Fix-It, and can fix anything. but I am trying to get past the resentment so now it simply feels like a friendship and some days like room mates but my goal is to remain pleasant and loving, as I would treat a friend. And I'm also feeling better. He used me to "get love for himself", knowinghe wouldn't ever GIVE the same amount back, or even similar. I was too kind, wanting to help TOO much, and didn't set boundaries. The reception was held at a house, in he back yard. Yeah, he's not that thoughtful. How would he manage without me, his Bandaid? Please ask around or ask someone in your family to get online and see what public options are available for you- to either improve your eye sight or get back to your home country. Yeahand just imagine trying to trust people when you grow up with everyone telling you you don't fit inand if you let that pain in all the time, instead of shut it out, you would be a puddle on the floor. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. He doesn't want to connect it with his choices of not doing relationships very well, if at all. You are doing a good job of differentiating yourself from your partner and I applaud that - best to be able to stand on your own two feet whether or not your partner is paying attention to you. Submitted by MelissaOrlov on Thu, 04/13/2017 - 17:29. I am married for 10 years late in life now 60 ..and moved to Spain after 18 months I took the real flu I was in bed for 6 weeks with only sips of w Yes it was my plan all along to get sick in order to make you sick and miserable! Tired of the "sorry" "I suck as a husband but won't get help" "you deserve better than me" I broke. I do believe he loves me. I like what Melissa said earlier, about becoming the person our husbands fell in love with. We all experience them. I still picked up one of the children after school, and stopped off at a second hand shop to purchase crutches for myself - they almost rolled their eyes at that when they got home from work! I felt like I was dying, inside and out. is already like this, it will only get worse. So if you want to connect, you will likely be the one to have to bring it up. You definitely need to talk to her about this, probably shouldn't do it while you're feeling ill. I actually yelled at him, told him how selfish he is. (sorry, another vent) .. So,when it comes to love, what to do, and where to go from here. Submitted by adhd32 on Mon, 04/17/2017 - 13:56. It is obvious that ADD people rarely change for any measurable amount of time. Sorry guys, I just had to vent and get it out of my system. Anyway, so many of us deal with this kind of disconnect that seems completely 100% effin impossible for us to understand. My husband is terrible when it comes to this. They are more important than you are. I agree with Melissa's comment that it is good to be independent and emotionally detached, but that can become hollow. I was being somewhat sarcastic in my response. That is my H 100%! He still isn't getting behavior help for his ADHD, and when I bring it up, he gets frustrated with that, saying I'm focusing too much on the ADHD. He went and played soccer that night when I was feeling my worst.

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